The Last 2 weeks

The last 2 weeks have been crazy busy for 90% of it. I have been working 50 hour weeks, which is great because I have money to pay all my bills and to go do some social life things. However, I am getting worn out. Yesterday started my 3rd week doing 50 hours. I have all of July and all of August to get through before my weeks go back to 30 hours.

My client is going through some pretty tough medical issues and I guess that's why I am so worn out. She's not the same girl I started working with at the beginning of May. I feel really bad for her. It's really hard for her to enjoy anything anymore, and that rubs off on me a little while at work. I'm good though. I feel like my client's parents and I are developing a great professional relationship. Their animals even treat me like family, haha.

Besides work, I've had a few blog worthy social life events to mention. I had 2 dates with a guy named James. And thats as far as we got. I didn't want to continue because of several reasons. He really seemed like my type of guy. He's country, listens to all country music, we love the same tv shows, he works manual labor in the air force (I LOVE guys who work with their hands, instead of sitting at a desk all day. Give me calloused hands any day!), and is just one of those good ol southern boys that I fall for. Things seemed to be going good, but during dinner at Pf Changs he started asking all these sexual questions that I thought was way inappropriate for a second date (If I've ever been to an adult store and what I purchased there, stuff like that). After our date, 2 days later on FB he IM'ed me and we were just having regular conversation when he said he was really horny and wanted to know if I could help fix that problem for him. He went into way too much detail saying that he hadn't got any in so long (6 months) and doing it himself didn't work anymore. HELLOOOOO, wtf?? Not only did I not need to know that, how DARE you ask me to fix your horny problem! Red flag right there. So, no more communication with him. Honestly, with the guys I've been on dates with the last few months, I am just better off single. I'm not a girl who needs to be in a relationship to feel good about herself or to feel loved and wanted.

The last thing to mention is that Jim came to visit me this past Saturday. It was amazing, as always. It had been way too long (almost 4 months) since we last saw each other. Jim is the type of best friend I could go a year without seeing and when we get together it's like we were never apart. We had an eventful day. Lunch and great conversation at McAlister's, laying out in the sun and playing/goofing off in the pool for a few hours, drinking our favorite beer while looking up crazy you tube videos (which is our trademark, haha), his early birthday dinner at Atavola (my treat, since it was his b-day gift) and finished up with Cold Stone ice cream. So much fun! I missed him <3

I have to go for now. Another update should be coming soon!

My exciting Saturday!

I didn't want my Saturday to end. Like I said last weekend, I went to Megan's graduation open house in Eden and despite the 3 hour drive (which was quite stressful) I had a FABULOUS time...

I caught up with Jim's mom (Jackie), Jim's grandparents, Jim's youngest brother (Ryan), and met Megan's parents (who, by the way, are totally awesome). I honestly wasn't sure what to expect from Jim's family. I hadn't seen them since last July. But wow, did I ever feel loved. Jackie practically threw herself at me and gave me a hug so tight I couldn't breathe for a few seconds, haha. Man, did I miss his family. I had long talks with every member. As everyone was leaving, his grandparents said to me, "Now Leah, we need to see you more often. You tell Jim he needs to bring you over for dinner sometime soon. We miss seeing you." Jackie said, "Leah, you're more than welcome at the house any time. I'll even feed you." (there's a long running inside joke about the feeding part) Needless to say, I had a blast. I missed Megan so much. She LOVED her gifts, which made me happy! She's going to school at Guilford College so I told her that whenever I come to visit Gboro in the fall, we will definitely be meeting up for dinner and maybe clubbing (since I miss downtown Gboro and Megan wants to go so bad!) Hopefully Megan will come visit me here in Greenville this summer! Megan's mom (Lynn) said she would be more than happy to let Megan come see me, so YAY!

Once I left Eden, I headed south to Gboro, where I met up with Ashley for a few hours. I love girl talk with her. She was trying to persuade me to move back to Gboro. The thought has crossed my mind a few times. I just don't know where my life is taking me. I'm stuck in the lease for my current apt in greenville till next July 31st. By then, my parents will be living in Raleigh and that's where I was sort of thinking about moving to next. However, my heart is in Gboro. I can't help it. The thing is I want to go to nursing school next August. Soooo, I'm planning to apply to Wake Tech CC in Raleigh and probably Guildford Tech CC in Gboro. I don't think I can go to school in Gboro though because I won't have a job while in nursing school and therefore will not be able to afford to live in an apt (even with a roommate). Since my parents will be living in Raleigh, if I went to school there, I could live at home. But at the age of 25, do I really want to live with my parents??? Ummm, NOOOOOO! I just don't see any other way. Unless I happen to get engaged/married by this time next year, which is very very highly unlikely.

Sooo, anyways, lots to think about and lots of problem solving to do in the next year.

I had a great Saturday and a relaxing Sunday. Now its time to start my first 50 hour work week.

Real Quick Update

Today was slightly better than yesterday. My client still seemed shaken by her horrible experience yesterday at school. It's hard to work through things like that since she's non verbal. But I talked to her today and I could tell she understood the main gist of what I was saying.

So, I applied for some weekend work earlier today. I'm hoping for something to come through. If it comes to it, I can ask Maxim (my company) if they have any weekend clients I could take over for the summer. Anything will do.

I had a long conversation mostly through text tonight with Jim. Its amazing after almost 3 1/2 years of being such good friends that we still can talk for hours at a time. Anyways, he called me up after texting and said that there might be something taking place soon, but he doesn't want to tell me yet until he knows more details and if it will actually happen. So, now that I'm completely confused, and at the same time extremely interested, I wonder what he's talking about. Hmmmm.

Until next time...

Money issues

Today was a pretty rough day. First off, I felt so bad for my client. It's obviously nothing I can share due to confidentiality, but lets just say schools need to be more selective when they decide what kind of substitute teachers to put in with the special ed kids. Completely ruined my client's day and put me in a bad mood.

The last day of school is Wednesday, which means I start summer hours on Thursday. I'm actually looking forward to this because I need every last penny I can get. Money is super tight. Unlike a lot of my college peers, I paid for everything myself. Tuition, apartment rent, books, and any other bills. All me. Obviously I didn't have thousands of dollars laying around, so there are about 10 loans all in my name that are now needing to be paid. Not to mention all my medical bills. With school loans alone, I'm over $100,000 dollars in debt. No one my age knows what that feels like. Talk about stress. So, I need to get a weekend job. I honestly have no choice but to work 7 days a week to even begin to make a dent in my debt.

Like I said, today was rough. After all that went down with my client's day, it put me in a overwhelmed mood. I started thinking about money and all that I just explained above. I started crying for a brief second at work, but pulled myself together. I don't know how I'm going to do this. Any of it. All I see right now in my immediate future is working my ass off every day of the week.

Ok, I'm tired. Good night.

Next weekend's plans, Miley, and Ed

I'm so excited for next Saturday! I am going to Eden for Jim's younger brother's girlfriend's high school graduation party (Her name is Megan.) I miss this girl so much. I used to see her every weekend at Jim's dad's place for 2 years straight. She's so cute and such a sweetheart. We've been talking pretty regularly since I've moved to Greenville and we're both excited to see each other next week. I just got to think of a gift for her...hmmmm.

I may stick around that area to see some Gboro friends I havent seen in awhile. Jim is debating whether he wants to see me or not next Saturday because he doesn't want to see me for an hour and then I have to leave. He's like "That's a tease. Its not cool." He said when he sees me he wants to see me for the entire day, not just an hour. I totally agree. So, I don't know if I'll see Jim on Saturday, but I know it'll be a great day at Megan's!

So if you know me, then you should know I'm obsessed with Miley Cyrus. I started watching Hannah Montana on Disney the day it premiered back in early 2006. I literally own everything she's done since then. Miley gives me confidence. Seriously, I know she's only 17, but she OWNS that stage and her movie roles and her songs and she don't give a flying hoot if you like her or not. She is who she is, no matter how many haters. That's how I try to live my life. I am not changing for anyone. Her newest single, "Can't be Tamed" came out a few weeks ago. LOVE IT! Her new album drops June 22nd and I'll buy it that day, of course! Also, the 4th and final season of Hannah debuts sometime soon! Ahhh, I can't wait! :)

I'm working on my tan, which is coming along quite nicely. Every weekend if the weather is nice I love to lay out at the pool and read one of my 3 books I'm reading. One of my fav authors is Lisa Gardner. She writes all detective-like novels, with suspense, action, and thrills thrown in. I've already read, I think, 6 of her books. Then, I'm reading "The Lovely Bones" which was turned into a movie. I haven't seen it, but people said it was awful. Well, the book is amazing. Enough said. The 3rd book I'm workin on is a book on the life and recovery of people with eating disorders. Obviously something that is and will always be near and dear to my heart. I see a LOT of myself in this book. I'm even being a student and highlighting important research and facts and such that are in the book.

Most people think once you've gained all your weight back and you're at your healthy weight that you no longer have an ED. Clinically, they're right. However, eating disorders are MUCH MORE a psychological disorder than a matter of weight and numbers. For the rest of my life I will always fight and struggle with my ED-like thoughts. I know at any time Ed could sneak up behind me and drag me down. I've known girls personally that have died from this disease and I can't tell you how much that hurts. Honestly, one day I would LOVE to either work in an ED treatment facility or be apart of NEDA and all other awareness organizations and work to raise money and spread knowledge about Eds. Seriously a dream. A great dream.

I'm done rambling now. See ya soon!

Long Overdue Update

Sooo, its been over 3 months since I blogged, and I apologize. Things got really crazy.

In the beginning of March (March 8th to be exact), my parents and I were in a bad car crash that, by the way, was not our fault. I suffered extreme pain in my right shoulder, chest, neck, and upper back for a good month after the accident. I was taking Vicodin and strong muscle relaxers and going to the chiropractor every day. I wasn't sleeping well at all. I was all of a sudden nauseous and lost my appetite. I started getting headaches every day. I was essentially falling apart, all due to the trauma of the accident. I had to suffer through all this alone, which was not fun. But I also had to continue looking for a full time job. Let me just say when it takes an hour to get dressed and brush your hair and teeth due to extreme pain, going out and looking for jobs was beyond stressful. However, I stuck with my job search, determined not to let my injuries from the accident bring me down. In April, I struck gold (Ok, not gold, but to me, it felt like gold).

I was offered a job here in Greenville as a Hab Tech for a government funded agency Maxim Healthcare Services in mid April. I would be going into my client's homes and providing them all kinds of services from home and community support (which is where we work on treatment plan goals, daily and weekly ones), personal care (meal time, dressing, bathing, etc), developmental therapy (only those who are MR/DD receive this), and respite care (which is offered to families who need it. Its basically recreational time for the client). It's definitely not a good paying job, but a month into it, I must say it is very rewarding. A lot of the other hab techs have more than 1 client, however, I only have one because during the school year she gets 30 hours a week, and during the summer, 50 hours a week. 30 hours a week is considered full time at Maxim. It may not seem like a lot of hours, trust me, it is.

I really adore my client. She has cerebal palsy among other mental and physical disabilities. The main thing about her is that she is non verbal. At first I was so nervous to work with a client who is not only in a wheelchair, but can't verbally communicate. However, she brings out a lot of great qualities that I've had inside myself for years. I'm a very patient person, which when working with someone like my client, is of upmost importance. I'm also able to empathize and really put myself in someone else's shoes. When I see through my client's perspective, I'm able to work and communicate with her so easily. It's hard for some people to see what life would be like if you couldn't talk or walk, but my client has opened my eyes to so many things in this world. For example, a lot of places are not handicap friendly, which upsets me greatly. And people in this world stare and point and laugh at people like my client, which makes me want to slap that person. Believe it or not, a non verbal person still has all the same feelings we do, they just communicate them in a different way. I just have to come to terms that the world will never understand or tolerate MR/DD folks.

That's basically the last 3 months of my life. The accident, struggling with my injuries, and then getting a job and working. There have been some other smaller events in there, but not all of them are blog worthy.

My parents are in the process of trying to move down to NC. My dad has a job, as long as they don't hold the results of his psych evaluation aganist him. I'm really praying they understand and that my dad gets the job. They really want to get out of Somerset so bad. If he does indeed get the job, they will be moving to Raleigh, which is only about an hour and 20/30 minutes away from me. I have to admit it will be nice to have them close, after 4 years of being 500 miles apart.

Jim is moving into his new place as I speak. He'll still be living in Gboro, just a nicer, bigger place. I'm so proud of him. In about 2 weeks, he will only have 1 more year of his 5 year apprenticeship to complete and then he'll be an electrician! He has actually been laid off from work the last few weeks, but like he always says working construction there is lay offs a few times a year. I know this first hand and at first they're awesome for him, but after about 3-4 weeks, he starts to go crazy from boredom. I don't blame him. I miss him a lot. We havent seen each other since mid Feburary (well, he did see me on March 8th when I was in that accident, but that doesn't count). Phone calls and texts are sent to each other practically every day.

I do have to mention something though. I know some people have a problem with me being so close with my ex. However, I disagree with a lot of the stuff my friends do in their relationships/friendships. Like, I strongly believe love doesn't happen in a month or two. Just like marriage, love takes work. You barely even know all there is to know of a person in 2 months and you love them? A person may think they love someone in that short of time, but to me you haven't weathered ANY storms with your partner to know that you have a love that stays true. The only way you know you have a true love is to stand the test of time. I didn't say I love you to Jim until over a year into our relationship. Can you believe people don't believe me when I say that? It's true. I had a very strong connection with him before that, but it wasn't love. People mistake strong connections/attraction/infatuation with love all the time. I think people are crazy for dating a few months, and then get engaged/move in to together/married so quickly. My parents did that and they will tell you every day of the year that it was HELL. They would strongly advise me NEVER to follow in their path.

Anyways, so people may have issues that I want to and will remain best friends with my ex, but I have issues with their relationships as well. Friends love each other even through all dissagreements. However, I will say that the only person I talk to about my friendship with Jim is my mom and dad. No one else understands. And thats fine. I know I will have a best friend until the day I die. And thats all the proof I need to do what I do.

I think that about wraps up my blog for tonight. Hopefully more to come soon.