As the title says, these past 2 weeks have been filled with a wide variety of emotions. I'll start on the family front...
I found out late last week that my dad did not get the prison job in Raleigh. He made like 6 trips down to Raleigh for this job, but after all that, the verdict wasn't good. It was because of the results of his psych evaluation. My dad has had some hospital visits within the last 2 years for mental health reasons and they decided basically that he wasn't "stable" for the job in the department. The thing is my dad is still working at the prison in PA, and he has for 25 years. Although he's had his bad days, he is such a hardworker and has been able to maintain his job through everything. But obviously, God has other plans for him. So, he's back to square one applying for jobs. He's very very discouraged and I find myself worrying about him because I know what he does when he feels like this. So I pray that God will watch over him and I remind him to stay strong and keep pushing through.
The couple that was going to put an offer on the house backed out at the last minute so after 7 months of being on the market, they're have been no offers. It seems like someone doesn't want my parents to move down here. Its so frustrating for me. We have a beautiful house and my dad is a great man and employee and I feel like they deserve to be able to get what they want. They sacrficed a lot over the years and they really want to be in NC living near me. Every oppurtunity is getting shot down though. I don't know.
Work has continued to be stressful. The medical issues with my client will not be going away any time soon, in fact, every day gets a little worse. My job has turned more into making her comfortable instead of having her progress. If I could make her medical issues go away, I would, but I can't, so I'm doing my best to comfort her.
After all the stress and worries the last month or so, I was due for a get away. I went to Carolina Beach for 3 days this past weekend with Molly. We stayed at Ken's place. It was seriously one of the best weekends I've had in a very long time. We did so many fun, relaxing things and it just felt amazing to see the ocean. It was also nice to spend some quality time with Molly. We have a lot more in common then I ever realized. She doesn't know it yet, but I plan on going to Raleigh a few times to go out and enjoy singledom together. But like I said, amazing weekend!
Yesterday while at work, Jim texted me and said he was coming to see me after work. I was SO excited! It's only been 3 weeks since his last visit, but I was so ready to see him. We got taco bell to eat and Coldstone icecream again. The rest of the time we just talked. It was our normal heart-to-heart conversations. He spent the night because by the time we stopped talking it was after midnight. There's some things going on with him, but for now he said it's our little secret, not even his mom knows. I love being the best friend :)
So, like I said the last 2 weeks have been filled with disappointment, frustration, worry, stress, happiness, relaxation, and excitement.
Until next time.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Lonliness with some sadness
Well, first off: Today is Jim's 24th birthday and I wish I was in Gboro celebrating it with him and his buddies instead of being stuck here in Greenville. Oh well.
The 4th of July holiday weekend had quite an array of emotions for me. On Saturday I ended up going to a friend of a friend's apartment in Raleigh to celebrate. It was really fun in the beginning: Really good food, fun conversation, and just hanging out. Slip n Slide was awesome and even though I'm still very bruised and all scratched up from it, I would do it again. As the evening wore on though, more and more people were piling into the apartment. People I obviously didn't know and people that I ended up not liking. Most of them were guys and once they got really drunk, they became really rude. The night turned into a house drinking party from back in my way early college years. I didn't like it. By midnight I wanted to sleep, because not only had I consumed more alcohol then I usually do, I don't stay awake past 10-10:30 anymore. I slept for a few hours, but was awaken by drunk people busting into the bedroom I was sleeping in and they turned on the lights. I couldn't go back to sleep after that, so I went back into the living room. It was 3:30 am and still a crap load of people there and they were still drinking. I honestly started to get irritated and pissed off because if I would have known that it was going to basically be a frat party by the end of the night, I wouldn't have went. I left at 4am for Greenville because I knew if I wanted to get good sleep I would have to go home. Anyways......
Sunday and Monday I did practically nothing. I went to the pool for a few hours, got some of my tan back, and just basically relaxed. However, on Sunday I kept seeing everyone's FB statuses about being at cookouts with family and I started to feel really sad and a little lonely. Its been 4 years since I've been able to celebrate holidays and birthdays with my family. The only holiday I'm with them is Christmas. I can honestly say that I really miss my parents and just being able to spend special occasions with them. What makes it worse is that I hardly have any friends here in Greenville to counteract the sadness I feel about being away from my parents. In Gboro, I wasn't so depressed about that because I had great friends and a great boyfriend. Here, I hardly ever go out. So day in and day out, I become sad. I cried myself to sleep last night. That's never fun. Greenville is not where I belong. I can't believe I have to spend another year here. Hopefully my parents will be down in Raleigh in a few months and I can travel to see them on the weekends.
So, that was my holiday weekend. More to come later.
The 4th of July holiday weekend had quite an array of emotions for me. On Saturday I ended up going to a friend of a friend's apartment in Raleigh to celebrate. It was really fun in the beginning: Really good food, fun conversation, and just hanging out. Slip n Slide was awesome and even though I'm still very bruised and all scratched up from it, I would do it again. As the evening wore on though, more and more people were piling into the apartment. People I obviously didn't know and people that I ended up not liking. Most of them were guys and once they got really drunk, they became really rude. The night turned into a house drinking party from back in my way early college years. I didn't like it. By midnight I wanted to sleep, because not only had I consumed more alcohol then I usually do, I don't stay awake past 10-10:30 anymore. I slept for a few hours, but was awaken by drunk people busting into the bedroom I was sleeping in and they turned on the lights. I couldn't go back to sleep after that, so I went back into the living room. It was 3:30 am and still a crap load of people there and they were still drinking. I honestly started to get irritated and pissed off because if I would have known that it was going to basically be a frat party by the end of the night, I wouldn't have went. I left at 4am for Greenville because I knew if I wanted to get good sleep I would have to go home. Anyways......
Sunday and Monday I did practically nothing. I went to the pool for a few hours, got some of my tan back, and just basically relaxed. However, on Sunday I kept seeing everyone's FB statuses about being at cookouts with family and I started to feel really sad and a little lonely. Its been 4 years since I've been able to celebrate holidays and birthdays with my family. The only holiday I'm with them is Christmas. I can honestly say that I really miss my parents and just being able to spend special occasions with them. What makes it worse is that I hardly have any friends here in Greenville to counteract the sadness I feel about being away from my parents. In Gboro, I wasn't so depressed about that because I had great friends and a great boyfriend. Here, I hardly ever go out. So day in and day out, I become sad. I cried myself to sleep last night. That's never fun. Greenville is not where I belong. I can't believe I have to spend another year here. Hopefully my parents will be down in Raleigh in a few months and I can travel to see them on the weekends.
So, that was my holiday weekend. More to come later.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
The Last 2 weeks
The last 2 weeks have been crazy busy for 90% of it. I have been working 50 hour weeks, which is great because I have money to pay all my bills and to go do some social life things. However, I am getting worn out. Yesterday started my 3rd week doing 50 hours. I have all of July and all of August to get through before my weeks go back to 30 hours.
My client is going through some pretty tough medical issues and I guess that's why I am so worn out. She's not the same girl I started working with at the beginning of May. I feel really bad for her. It's really hard for her to enjoy anything anymore, and that rubs off on me a little while at work. I'm good though. I feel like my client's parents and I are developing a great professional relationship. Their animals even treat me like family, haha.
Besides work, I've had a few blog worthy social life events to mention. I had 2 dates with a guy named James. And thats as far as we got. I didn't want to continue because of several reasons. He really seemed like my type of guy. He's country, listens to all country music, we love the same tv shows, he works manual labor in the air force (I LOVE guys who work with their hands, instead of sitting at a desk all day. Give me calloused hands any day!), and is just one of those good ol southern boys that I fall for. Things seemed to be going good, but during dinner at Pf Changs he started asking all these sexual questions that I thought was way inappropriate for a second date (If I've ever been to an adult store and what I purchased there, stuff like that). After our date, 2 days later on FB he IM'ed me and we were just having regular conversation when he said he was really horny and wanted to know if I could help fix that problem for him. He went into way too much detail saying that he hadn't got any in so long (6 months) and doing it himself didn't work anymore. HELLOOOOO, wtf?? Not only did I not need to know that, how DARE you ask me to fix your horny problem! Red flag right there. So, no more communication with him. Honestly, with the guys I've been on dates with the last few months, I am just better off single. I'm not a girl who needs to be in a relationship to feel good about herself or to feel loved and wanted.
The last thing to mention is that Jim came to visit me this past Saturday. It was amazing, as always. It had been way too long (almost 4 months) since we last saw each other. Jim is the type of best friend I could go a year without seeing and when we get together it's like we were never apart. We had an eventful day. Lunch and great conversation at McAlister's, laying out in the sun and playing/goofing off in the pool for a few hours, drinking our favorite beer while looking up crazy you tube videos (which is our trademark, haha), his early birthday dinner at Atavola (my treat, since it was his b-day gift) and finished up with Cold Stone ice cream. So much fun! I missed him <3
I have to go for now. Another update should be coming soon!
My client is going through some pretty tough medical issues and I guess that's why I am so worn out. She's not the same girl I started working with at the beginning of May. I feel really bad for her. It's really hard for her to enjoy anything anymore, and that rubs off on me a little while at work. I'm good though. I feel like my client's parents and I are developing a great professional relationship. Their animals even treat me like family, haha.
Besides work, I've had a few blog worthy social life events to mention. I had 2 dates with a guy named James. And thats as far as we got. I didn't want to continue because of several reasons. He really seemed like my type of guy. He's country, listens to all country music, we love the same tv shows, he works manual labor in the air force (I LOVE guys who work with their hands, instead of sitting at a desk all day. Give me calloused hands any day!), and is just one of those good ol southern boys that I fall for. Things seemed to be going good, but during dinner at Pf Changs he started asking all these sexual questions that I thought was way inappropriate for a second date (If I've ever been to an adult store and what I purchased there, stuff like that). After our date, 2 days later on FB he IM'ed me and we were just having regular conversation when he said he was really horny and wanted to know if I could help fix that problem for him. He went into way too much detail saying that he hadn't got any in so long (6 months) and doing it himself didn't work anymore. HELLOOOOO, wtf?? Not only did I not need to know that, how DARE you ask me to fix your horny problem! Red flag right there. So, no more communication with him. Honestly, with the guys I've been on dates with the last few months, I am just better off single. I'm not a girl who needs to be in a relationship to feel good about herself or to feel loved and wanted.
The last thing to mention is that Jim came to visit me this past Saturday. It was amazing, as always. It had been way too long (almost 4 months) since we last saw each other. Jim is the type of best friend I could go a year without seeing and when we get together it's like we were never apart. We had an eventful day. Lunch and great conversation at McAlister's, laying out in the sun and playing/goofing off in the pool for a few hours, drinking our favorite beer while looking up crazy you tube videos (which is our trademark, haha), his early birthday dinner at Atavola (my treat, since it was his b-day gift) and finished up with Cold Stone ice cream. So much fun! I missed him <3
I have to go for now. Another update should be coming soon!
Sunday, June 13, 2010
My exciting Saturday!
I didn't want my Saturday to end. Like I said last weekend, I went to Megan's graduation open house in Eden and despite the 3 hour drive (which was quite stressful) I had a FABULOUS time...
I caught up with Jim's mom (Jackie), Jim's grandparents, Jim's youngest brother (Ryan), and met Megan's parents (who, by the way, are totally awesome). I honestly wasn't sure what to expect from Jim's family. I hadn't seen them since last July. But wow, did I ever feel loved. Jackie practically threw herself at me and gave me a hug so tight I couldn't breathe for a few seconds, haha. Man, did I miss his family. I had long talks with every member. As everyone was leaving, his grandparents said to me, "Now Leah, we need to see you more often. You tell Jim he needs to bring you over for dinner sometime soon. We miss seeing you." Jackie said, "Leah, you're more than welcome at the house any time. I'll even feed you." (there's a long running inside joke about the feeding part) Needless to say, I had a blast. I missed Megan so much. She LOVED her gifts, which made me happy! She's going to school at Guilford College so I told her that whenever I come to visit Gboro in the fall, we will definitely be meeting up for dinner and maybe clubbing (since I miss downtown Gboro and Megan wants to go so bad!) Hopefully Megan will come visit me here in Greenville this summer! Megan's mom (Lynn) said she would be more than happy to let Megan come see me, so YAY!
Once I left Eden, I headed south to Gboro, where I met up with Ashley for a few hours. I love girl talk with her. She was trying to persuade me to move back to Gboro. The thought has crossed my mind a few times. I just don't know where my life is taking me. I'm stuck in the lease for my current apt in greenville till next July 31st. By then, my parents will be living in Raleigh and that's where I was sort of thinking about moving to next. However, my heart is in Gboro. I can't help it. The thing is I want to go to nursing school next August. Soooo, I'm planning to apply to Wake Tech CC in Raleigh and probably Guildford Tech CC in Gboro. I don't think I can go to school in Gboro though because I won't have a job while in nursing school and therefore will not be able to afford to live in an apt (even with a roommate). Since my parents will be living in Raleigh, if I went to school there, I could live at home. But at the age of 25, do I really want to live with my parents??? Ummm, NOOOOOO! I just don't see any other way. Unless I happen to get engaged/married by this time next year, which is very very highly unlikely.
Sooo, anyways, lots to think about and lots of problem solving to do in the next year.
I had a great Saturday and a relaxing Sunday. Now its time to start my first 50 hour work week.
I caught up with Jim's mom (Jackie), Jim's grandparents, Jim's youngest brother (Ryan), and met Megan's parents (who, by the way, are totally awesome). I honestly wasn't sure what to expect from Jim's family. I hadn't seen them since last July. But wow, did I ever feel loved. Jackie practically threw herself at me and gave me a hug so tight I couldn't breathe for a few seconds, haha. Man, did I miss his family. I had long talks with every member. As everyone was leaving, his grandparents said to me, "Now Leah, we need to see you more often. You tell Jim he needs to bring you over for dinner sometime soon. We miss seeing you." Jackie said, "Leah, you're more than welcome at the house any time. I'll even feed you." (there's a long running inside joke about the feeding part) Needless to say, I had a blast. I missed Megan so much. She LOVED her gifts, which made me happy! She's going to school at Guilford College so I told her that whenever I come to visit Gboro in the fall, we will definitely be meeting up for dinner and maybe clubbing (since I miss downtown Gboro and Megan wants to go so bad!) Hopefully Megan will come visit me here in Greenville this summer! Megan's mom (Lynn) said she would be more than happy to let Megan come see me, so YAY!
Once I left Eden, I headed south to Gboro, where I met up with Ashley for a few hours. I love girl talk with her. She was trying to persuade me to move back to Gboro. The thought has crossed my mind a few times. I just don't know where my life is taking me. I'm stuck in the lease for my current apt in greenville till next July 31st. By then, my parents will be living in Raleigh and that's where I was sort of thinking about moving to next. However, my heart is in Gboro. I can't help it. The thing is I want to go to nursing school next August. Soooo, I'm planning to apply to Wake Tech CC in Raleigh and probably Guildford Tech CC in Gboro. I don't think I can go to school in Gboro though because I won't have a job while in nursing school and therefore will not be able to afford to live in an apt (even with a roommate). Since my parents will be living in Raleigh, if I went to school there, I could live at home. But at the age of 25, do I really want to live with my parents??? Ummm, NOOOOOO! I just don't see any other way. Unless I happen to get engaged/married by this time next year, which is very very highly unlikely.
Sooo, anyways, lots to think about and lots of problem solving to do in the next year.
I had a great Saturday and a relaxing Sunday. Now its time to start my first 50 hour work week.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Real Quick Update
Today was slightly better than yesterday. My client still seemed shaken by her horrible experience yesterday at school. It's hard to work through things like that since she's non verbal. But I talked to her today and I could tell she understood the main gist of what I was saying.
So, I applied for some weekend work earlier today. I'm hoping for something to come through. If it comes to it, I can ask Maxim (my company) if they have any weekend clients I could take over for the summer. Anything will do.
I had a long conversation mostly through text tonight with Jim. Its amazing after almost 3 1/2 years of being such good friends that we still can talk for hours at a time. Anyways, he called me up after texting and said that there might be something taking place soon, but he doesn't want to tell me yet until he knows more details and if it will actually happen. So, now that I'm completely confused, and at the same time extremely interested, I wonder what he's talking about. Hmmmm.
Until next time...
So, I applied for some weekend work earlier today. I'm hoping for something to come through. If it comes to it, I can ask Maxim (my company) if they have any weekend clients I could take over for the summer. Anything will do.
I had a long conversation mostly through text tonight with Jim. Its amazing after almost 3 1/2 years of being such good friends that we still can talk for hours at a time. Anyways, he called me up after texting and said that there might be something taking place soon, but he doesn't want to tell me yet until he knows more details and if it will actually happen. So, now that I'm completely confused, and at the same time extremely interested, I wonder what he's talking about. Hmmmm.
Until next time...
Monday, June 7, 2010
Money issues
Today was a pretty rough day. First off, I felt so bad for my client. It's obviously nothing I can share due to confidentiality, but lets just say schools need to be more selective when they decide what kind of substitute teachers to put in with the special ed kids. Completely ruined my client's day and put me in a bad mood.
The last day of school is Wednesday, which means I start summer hours on Thursday. I'm actually looking forward to this because I need every last penny I can get. Money is super tight. Unlike a lot of my college peers, I paid for everything myself. Tuition, apartment rent, books, and any other bills. All me. Obviously I didn't have thousands of dollars laying around, so there are about 10 loans all in my name that are now needing to be paid. Not to mention all my medical bills. With school loans alone, I'm over $100,000 dollars in debt. No one my age knows what that feels like. Talk about stress. So, I need to get a weekend job. I honestly have no choice but to work 7 days a week to even begin to make a dent in my debt.
Like I said, today was rough. After all that went down with my client's day, it put me in a overwhelmed mood. I started thinking about money and all that I just explained above. I started crying for a brief second at work, but pulled myself together. I don't know how I'm going to do this. Any of it. All I see right now in my immediate future is working my ass off every day of the week.
Ok, I'm tired. Good night.
The last day of school is Wednesday, which means I start summer hours on Thursday. I'm actually looking forward to this because I need every last penny I can get. Money is super tight. Unlike a lot of my college peers, I paid for everything myself. Tuition, apartment rent, books, and any other bills. All me. Obviously I didn't have thousands of dollars laying around, so there are about 10 loans all in my name that are now needing to be paid. Not to mention all my medical bills. With school loans alone, I'm over $100,000 dollars in debt. No one my age knows what that feels like. Talk about stress. So, I need to get a weekend job. I honestly have no choice but to work 7 days a week to even begin to make a dent in my debt.
Like I said, today was rough. After all that went down with my client's day, it put me in a overwhelmed mood. I started thinking about money and all that I just explained above. I started crying for a brief second at work, but pulled myself together. I don't know how I'm going to do this. Any of it. All I see right now in my immediate future is working my ass off every day of the week.
Ok, I'm tired. Good night.
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Next weekend's plans, Miley, and Ed
I'm so excited for next Saturday! I am going to Eden for Jim's younger brother's girlfriend's high school graduation party (Her name is Megan.) I miss this girl so much. I used to see her every weekend at Jim's dad's place for 2 years straight. She's so cute and such a sweetheart. We've been talking pretty regularly since I've moved to Greenville and we're both excited to see each other next week. I just got to think of a gift for her...hmmmm.
I may stick around that area to see some Gboro friends I havent seen in awhile. Jim is debating whether he wants to see me or not next Saturday because he doesn't want to see me for an hour and then I have to leave. He's like "That's a tease. Its not cool." He said when he sees me he wants to see me for the entire day, not just an hour. I totally agree. So, I don't know if I'll see Jim on Saturday, but I know it'll be a great day at Megan's!
So if you know me, then you should know I'm obsessed with Miley Cyrus. I started watching Hannah Montana on Disney the day it premiered back in early 2006. I literally own everything she's done since then. Miley gives me confidence. Seriously, I know she's only 17, but she OWNS that stage and her movie roles and her songs and she don't give a flying hoot if you like her or not. She is who she is, no matter how many haters. That's how I try to live my life. I am not changing for anyone. Her newest single, "Can't be Tamed" came out a few weeks ago. LOVE IT! Her new album drops June 22nd and I'll buy it that day, of course! Also, the 4th and final season of Hannah debuts sometime soon! Ahhh, I can't wait! :)
I'm working on my tan, which is coming along quite nicely. Every weekend if the weather is nice I love to lay out at the pool and read one of my 3 books I'm reading. One of my fav authors is Lisa Gardner. She writes all detective-like novels, with suspense, action, and thrills thrown in. I've already read, I think, 6 of her books. Then, I'm reading "The Lovely Bones" which was turned into a movie. I haven't seen it, but people said it was awful. Well, the book is amazing. Enough said. The 3rd book I'm workin on is a book on the life and recovery of people with eating disorders. Obviously something that is and will always be near and dear to my heart. I see a LOT of myself in this book. I'm even being a student and highlighting important research and facts and such that are in the book.
Most people think once you've gained all your weight back and you're at your healthy weight that you no longer have an ED. Clinically, they're right. However, eating disorders are MUCH MORE a psychological disorder than a matter of weight and numbers. For the rest of my life I will always fight and struggle with my ED-like thoughts. I know at any time Ed could sneak up behind me and drag me down. I've known girls personally that have died from this disease and I can't tell you how much that hurts. Honestly, one day I would LOVE to either work in an ED treatment facility or be apart of NEDA and all other awareness organizations and work to raise money and spread knowledge about Eds. Seriously a dream. A great dream.
I'm done rambling now. See ya soon!
I may stick around that area to see some Gboro friends I havent seen in awhile. Jim is debating whether he wants to see me or not next Saturday because he doesn't want to see me for an hour and then I have to leave. He's like "That's a tease. Its not cool." He said when he sees me he wants to see me for the entire day, not just an hour. I totally agree. So, I don't know if I'll see Jim on Saturday, but I know it'll be a great day at Megan's!
So if you know me, then you should know I'm obsessed with Miley Cyrus. I started watching Hannah Montana on Disney the day it premiered back in early 2006. I literally own everything she's done since then. Miley gives me confidence. Seriously, I know she's only 17, but she OWNS that stage and her movie roles and her songs and she don't give a flying hoot if you like her or not. She is who she is, no matter how many haters. That's how I try to live my life. I am not changing for anyone. Her newest single, "Can't be Tamed" came out a few weeks ago. LOVE IT! Her new album drops June 22nd and I'll buy it that day, of course! Also, the 4th and final season of Hannah debuts sometime soon! Ahhh, I can't wait! :)
I'm working on my tan, which is coming along quite nicely. Every weekend if the weather is nice I love to lay out at the pool and read one of my 3 books I'm reading. One of my fav authors is Lisa Gardner. She writes all detective-like novels, with suspense, action, and thrills thrown in. I've already read, I think, 6 of her books. Then, I'm reading "The Lovely Bones" which was turned into a movie. I haven't seen it, but people said it was awful. Well, the book is amazing. Enough said. The 3rd book I'm workin on is a book on the life and recovery of people with eating disorders. Obviously something that is and will always be near and dear to my heart. I see a LOT of myself in this book. I'm even being a student and highlighting important research and facts and such that are in the book.
Most people think once you've gained all your weight back and you're at your healthy weight that you no longer have an ED. Clinically, they're right. However, eating disorders are MUCH MORE a psychological disorder than a matter of weight and numbers. For the rest of my life I will always fight and struggle with my ED-like thoughts. I know at any time Ed could sneak up behind me and drag me down. I've known girls personally that have died from this disease and I can't tell you how much that hurts. Honestly, one day I would LOVE to either work in an ED treatment facility or be apart of NEDA and all other awareness organizations and work to raise money and spread knowledge about Eds. Seriously a dream. A great dream.
I'm done rambling now. See ya soon!
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