It's always good to start somewhere

Hello everyone. So, I used to have a blog for about 3 years before I moved to North Carolina. Writing has always been comforting and therapeutic for me. However, I do not like being told exactly what I have to write. I like writing whatever comes to me at the present moment. Yes, I don't know how I made it through college. Anyways, I've had a lot of time on my hands for quite awhile and what better way to fill it then to do something constructive.

Some things you need to know about me: I'm a girly-girl, except when it comes to food and football. I worry, a lot. I've only been in love once in my life. I'm a handful. I'm not afraid of my emotions. I like to talk. I like to listen. My life goal is to help people. I'm a yankee, turned southerner. I stutter when I get really excited. I'm one person who doesn't miss home. You wouldn't recognize me now if you knew me 7 years ago. I'm an eating disorder survivor. Most of all, I'm me, and I want to be somebody.

Now that all the basics are out of the way, it's time to get down to the good stuff. Rewind 7 months:

I'm about to move from Greensboro, where I spent the last 3 years of my life, to Greenville, where I'm going to spend the next 2 years of my life. I'm leaving to pursue my dream of being a therapist. I'm going to one of the best programs in the country. I'm terrified. Another new city, new school, new apartment, and new people. The scariest thing of all though: Moving away from my first (and only) love....

Rewind 3 years from Feb 2010:

I was in a relationship that was going absolutely nowhere. I was miserable. I cried all the time. I got terrible grades. I partied a lot. I broke up with my boyfriend of 5 months in March, the following month. 2 weeks later on St. Patricks Day, I met a guy, who little did I know, would become not only my best friend, but the only man I've ever loved. His name's Jim. From March 2007 until present day, we have something that no one will be able to take away.

Now, I'm not saying it was perfect. The only "problem" we had came in the summer of 2008, after a year and a half of dating. I worked full time at a summer camp and I only had one day off a week, which was Saturday. At first we spent every Saturday together and talked every night after lights-out at camp. In July, he became withdrawn and sort-of cold towards me. He went a week without calling/texting me and I became scared. Really scared. I thought to myself "What did I do or say to mess this up"? He wasn't returning my phone calls. And I was trapped at camp. Anyways, to make a long story short, it eventually came out that he took a girl on a few dates and slept with her during the 2 weeks he wouldn't return my calls. I cried, as to be expected, and he said the things that you would expect a man to say who cheated: "I'm sorry, it was a mistake, it didn't mean anything, i regret it, i just missed you, etc etc" He asked for a second chance. I thought long and hard about it. I gave him a second chance. And I am so glad I did.

For the next year and a half he did as he promised: he was going to make up for his mistake. That time we spent together was so far beyond amazing. Besides the usual cooking dinners, movie dates, and such, we went to Los Angeles, CA together for 4 days. It was spectacular. Out on the beaches of Santa Monica, he made a promise to me: that he would always be there for me, no matter where in the country I ventured off to.

Now back to August 2009. Moving away from Greensboro to Greenville. Call it what you want, but I had a gut feeling that Jim and I in the near future would move from being boyfriend and girlfriend to flat out best friends. 185 miles seperated us and while oceans have seperated some couples, he and I both knew with our choatic schedules that we would see each other only a few times a year. So, it should have come as no surprise when in November he called to tell me he had went on several dates with a girl. However, the news broke me down. My first love was moving on. It couldn't be real. The man I spent the last 32 months with was dating again. Like I said, I knew it was coming, but I guess you can never really prepare for that moment.

So, present day, Feb 2010, what is the status of Jim and I? Best friends. Since our break up, we talk every day. I mean, not just surface stuff like the weather. We have long talks about life. Where we wanna go, what we want to accomplish, how to get there, who we want along for the ride. In 5 of our talks in the last few months, him and I have cried together. He said something to me that has really stuck with me: "I will always be here for you Leah, day or night. Even through future girlfriends and boyfriends, no one will ever take your place. I promise you". And I believe him. Some people don't understand how one can stay so close to their ex, and all I have to say about that is "I can't explain it. But it's the way it was meant to be. There is no awkwardness or tension. In fact, our bond has grown since the break up. You might not understand, and that's ok. Because we do, and we're the only two that need to."

I am getting quite tired so I will end here for tonight. Good night world <3